I'm sorry.

Assalamualaikum.

It has been a very long time since the last time I posted any entry here in my blog.

Well, let’s skip the reason on why I didn’t post anything.

Today, I’m going to be a bit emotional. Something happened and I am in a very great stress.

Living in this world, you will face different people with different attitude. Some will be super nice to you, some will be super evil to you. I’m glad and very thankful to have such great family and friends who understand me and support me A LOT. 

But there are just people that do not know me that well or don’t know me at all, make bad assumptions about me. Saying bad things about me. If it’s just me, I can still pretend as if I didn’t hear a thing.. But if it involves my family member, that is just too much.

When people get angry and mad, they tend to follow their heart and just say whatever pops out of their head. I can understand that. I can be patient and listen to every single word that they want to say to me without getting mad and yell back at them. I can act cool and smile. 

But what’s going on in my heart? In my head? 

I know that it's emotion that’s taking over me, but I just can’t stand it. Plus it wasn’t my fault at all. I’m just the one who is caught in the middle. I’m the one who got yelled at. I’m the one who is being cursed at. I’m the one that they blame 100%.

I tried to be rational, I tried to be patient, and Alhamdulillah, I manage to do so. I show no fear, because my dad says, “Kalau kita tak salah, buat ape nak takut.”

I don’t mind if they want to report anything to anyone, that’s their right.

To my big relief, some of them are just..... SWEET.

They texted me saying that they understand and it wasn’t my fault. Some told me to be patient. Some told me it is just a part of doing business where you’ll need to face these kinds of people.

I even skipped class today due to major headache thinking about this thing. I can’t focus in class in this condition. Plus, I’m emotionally disturbed.

I know for every problem that we have to face, it is a test from Allah.

But it is not wrong for me to cry. It is not wrong for me to be unhappy a bit, because some people are just mean. They are just mean. I apologize to them a lot though it wasn’t my fault. Still they throw harsh words to me. Why do they need to be so mean. I’m sorry but I can’t control my emotion right now. I’m just...just TOO SAD  right now. Some people just like to follow their hearts a lot. Throwing bad words to people. As much as I can’t do this alone, I still need to. I’m an adult now and soon I’ll be 22 years old. I need to handle my own problem. Face them by myself.

I’m sorry if I neglected anyone due to this problem. I really didn’t mean to. I’m really sorry.

I also want to say many thanks to those who understand me. Those who supported me. Those who gave encouraging words to me. You guys are REALLY SWEET. Thank you so much.

After typing this entry out, I feel a bit relief. Alhamdulliah.

Insya-Allah, this test will make me a much stronger person. I learned a couple of lessons too.

“Ya Allah, sesungguhnya, hanya pada-Mu aku berlindung dan memohon pertolongan.” Ameen.

-out-