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Tuesday, December 8, 2009

happening, tiring...lonely...weekends..

i had a very tiring weekend..but kinda ok..
well..i went from places to places in one day..
a lot of cleaning & cooking & exercising to do..
huhuhu..
my ummie bought a new apple laptop..
my dad already has his 27 inch apple komputer that cost 20K +++
then last monday i was to re-do my driving test but i forgot to re-new my L license 1st..
hhmmph..
i do have fun dis semester break..
i never get board..
always sumthing there for me to do..
tomorrow my other cousins are coming here..
azlan & lyana..
da thing is..
i prefer my life to be busy..
always doing sumthing without leaving me anytime to think about anything else other than what i'm suppose to & have to do in life..
cuz when i'm alone..this feelings keep coming back on me..
since 17th september 2009, i don't even hold my phone other than for business matter..
i don't even chat on YM if nobody buzz me..
i wanna move on..but at the same time i don't..
why do i have to go through all dis..??
why does dis even need to happen???
i thought i can handle it coz for all this time i always have positive thinking in every situation..
but this time..i think i failed myself..
i tried to understand & look beyond the things that happening in my life..
but when it comes to this feeling.....
sometimes i understand..sometimes i don't..
and right now..
i don't...
i'm not saying that i'm pretending that i'm happy right now..
i am happy..
with my family & friends of course..
they fill my life up..
but there's just something inside of me that is empty..
it was filled before..but now it's empty..
i don't know if i can manage to fill it up again the next time..
coz the filling won't be the same..
and i don't think anyone can fill it with the same filling..
ii don't think anyone can replace it..
well..
maybe there is..
i don't know..
but what i know..
it won't be the same..

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